Dealing With Death - You Are Not Alone!

Dealing With Death - You Are Not Alone! If youve ever had the traumatic experience of dealing with death, you remember it all too well.   While in some cultures death of a loved one is celebrated, in most Western cultures it is a time of hurt, loss, and confusion.   In my own experience, the more deeply connected to the deceased I am, the greater the effect on my once-predictable world. Ive lost friends.   Yet nothing compares with the loss of my mother two years ago.   Written in the days following her death, this passage still brings a sad sullenness within me today: Theres a kind of quiet, sullen surrender settling in. I guess its acceptance that I cannot change what is, no matter how much I may not like it. Its colored by a shadow of loneliness, knowing that life ahead will be without my biggest fan, my mom. The mix of gratitude for all the good memories, yet the yearning for more, is at times confusing and unsettling. I used to muse at my moms apparent contentedness. Her go-with-the-flow way of doing life. I think I know now what that was about. It was about her holding an inner joy and happiness to let all those around her take center stage in life as she got older, for that is the way life works. Im glad that so much of my life performance included her. She was my cohort, my straight man, my coach, my mentor. Who could ever have asked for more? I love you, Mom. When you experience the loss of a loved one, you often hear from others the plea let me know if there is anything I can do.   The truth is, you dont know what you need any more than they do.   All you know is that theres a gaping hole in your world, in your heart and soul.   No amount of tears or hugs or condolences seems to help.   Theres just wave after wave of hurt. Am I grieving too much? Its okay.   Youre perfectly normal.   And its okay to allow yourself all the time and space you need to work through it. Nearly two years on from my mothers passing, I thought I was weird for still having emotional moments, or hours, of grief. I was sure this wasnt normal.   Moreover, I thought that others who might still be experiencing my grief were probably silently thinking just get over it.   Didnt anyone care or hurt as much as I did?   Whats wrong with me? Answers do come. Sometimes, we find our answers come from unexpected sources.   As Ms Career Girl editor, I frequently do reviews of newly published books that are relevant to our readers.   But I was surprised when not one but two new volumes came my way that dealt directly with death, not exactly a common topic on the website.   Its been one of those unexplainable little life mysteries, and Im truly grateful for the wisdom and insight the authors shared. If youre currently in the midst of grieving, I hope these might benefit you as they have me.   Heres a short synopsis of both. You Are Not Alone by Debbie Augenthaler There is nothing quite like having a huge part of your life cut out, gone. Theres a confusion and disbelief that is like nothing youll ever experience.   Author Debbie Augenthaler eloquently, honestly, and gently shares her personal experiences of such a loss, and how she coped.   Youll find her words so familiar that theres comfort even through yet another round of tears. Titled perfectly, reading this book left me feeling, for the first time, that I was indeed not alone.   That the journey of healing is common along the path it takes us.   Get the book.   Read it and keep it.   Sooner or later, youll find a peaceful familiarity in its pages. Becoming Starlight by Sharon Prentice For most of us humans, these are the ultimate unanswered questions: What is life? Is life as we experience it all there is? What is the essence of who we are? Im not religious.   Sometimes, I wish that I was and that religion alone would settle all the questions.   But its not about religion, at least for me.   Its about experiences for which I have no explanation.   Coincidences? Chance occurrences? Or something more? You be the judge of just this one that Ill share My sister, with whom Id been very close, had fought cancer for several years.   We all knew that her time was short.   But I still vividly recall the morning she died.   I was   awakened much earlier than what was usual for me, and sat up in bed startled.   It was as though she was there, in my bedroom, and I looked around expectantly.   Thirty minutes later, I received the phone call that she had died.   Did she visit me on her way out?   Or is that just my fanciful explanation of an odd coincidence? Experiences like that are fairly common around the death of   a loved one.   Is it just our frustration in trying to make sense out of a part of life that seems so senseless? Surely, no one has the answers.   But author Sharon Prentice will have you asking many questions, and finding your answers is part of the healing process.   Her book is a perfect companion read to You Are Not Alone.